Dead Inside
by fudge7eleven
Summary: You never forget the person who breaks your heart. In fact, they are the only thing you manage to remember constantly.--Jiley. First story on this site. Rating: T. Title may change.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey. I decided after reading so many stories to get an account and try a story of my own! I don't know how long it will be. As long as it takes to tell the story, I guess.**

**Summary: You never forget the person who breaks your heart. In fact, they are the only thing you manage to remember constantly.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hannah Montana.**

**Coupling: Jake and Miley-Jiley**

**Rated: T(Teen)-May change.**

**Author: Fudge7eleven**

**Title: Dead Inside-Really, I couldn't think of a name so this will most likely change.**

**Notes: In my story, Jake did not react the way he did in the show when Miley told him she is Hannah. He acts totally differently.**

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I turn over in my large bed. I've been lying awake all night. I actually have to wake up in twenty minutes. _Sigh_. Another sleepless night. It's been like this for months. I just can't get my mind to stop long enough for me to sleep. I keep thinking about _him_. Replaying moments we've spent together in my head. Thinking about how much he hurt me. Sometimes, I do sleep. But it's always restless. I end up waking up more exhausted than I do when I don't sleep at all.

I used to cry myself to sleep. But after a few weeks, I got tired of that. I got tired of crying period. It's all I ever did. But that's really all anyone feels like doing when they've had their heart broken. And mine has been shattered.

I close my eyes as the painful memory of how it all started comes back.

_Jake and I were standing on the beach. I had just put my Hannah wig on and told him that I am _the_ Hannah Montana. He stared at me, not saying anything._

"_Jake?" I asked, tilted my head to the side. "Leslie?" I prodded, using his real name._

"_You're _Hannah Montana_?!" Was his whispered question._

_I nodded, biting my lip, not knowing what to say._

"_You're Hanna Montana…?"_

_Why did he repeat the question? Was he broken?_

"_Yeah, I'm Hannah," I said slowly, hoping he would snap out of what ever trance he was in._

"_But…No." He shook his head. "You're Miley."_

_I reached up and pulled the blonde wig off. Jake jumped back and looked at me as if I had just grown a second head. "I am Miley. But I'm Hannah, too," I said softly, taking a small step towards him._

_He stepped back, once more, shaking his head again. "Why did you lie to me?"_

"_I-I didn't mean to," I said. "I never meant for things to go this far without you knowing."_

_I reached out to take his hand, mine shaking. He pulled his away._

"_Jake, I'm really sorry."_

"_That doesn't make it any better," he spat._

_I closed my eyes and opened them again, trying to keep myself under control. "But-I love you."_

"_I love you, too." Jake took another step away. "But you lied. And after my dad lied to my mom about cheating on her, I vowed I would never be with a liar."_

_His words knocked the wind out of me, but somehow I managed to choke out, "Jake…"_

_He said, "I'm sorry, Miley. I can't talk to you anymore." And with that, he turned and walked away. _

_With every step he took, it felt like he was stomping on my heart. All his words, they had been making small rips. But with that last sentence, my vital organ tore in two. _

_I ran to the bathroom at the edge of the beach. Inside, I checked my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess. A shocked expression was painted across my visage. And my throat was dry. I turned on the faucet and put my mouth under, drinking the chlorine-filled water. It didn't help my throat. It only made it close up more. It kept closing and closing. I coughed, trying to open it. But it was no use. I was choking on my own throat. Coughing uncontrollably, I started to gag. My stomach lurched and I thought I was going to puke. I lifted the lid of the toilet and gagged some more. But luckily, I did not throw up. _

_I stood up and splashed some cold water on my face. Then I walked home. Dad wanted to know what was wrong with me, but I told him I didn't want to talk about it. But I did make him let me sleep with him that night. Not that I slept. I thought about Jake the whole night. But I knew with my daddy right beside me, I wouldn't be able to cry. And I didn't. Probably because I was too much in shock._

My alarm blares from the other side of the room. I groan and get up, crossing the room and turning it off.

Monday. Great.

I walk over to my closet and start to pick out what I'm going to wear today. Not that I really care. I don't care about much of anything anymore.

After I'm dressed, I head down for breakfast, Ipod headphones already in my ears. Every morning I listen to my Ipod. That way, I don't have to talk to anyone. I can be in my own miserable little bubble without having to worry about anyone butting in. They still try, though.

"Morning, Bud," Dad says cheerily when he sees me.

I nod to him. Then I open the fridge and stick my head inside. I don't see why I even try to eat breakfast. I have no appetite for it. I just nibble a few bites and move the rest of the food around on my plate to make it look like I've eaten something. But I always regret it because at lunch I'm starving.

I settle on microwave bacon and orange juice. I pour the orange liquid into a glass then pop my bacon into the microwave.

Dad says something that I don't quite hear since I have a Simple Plan song blaring in my ears from my headphones.

I remove an ear butt and say, "Hmm?"

Dad sighs. "I said you should eat some toast with that bacon."

I nod and grab the loaf of bread off the counter.

"You're going to make yourself deaf with those earphones," Dad says.

I just shrug, slip a piece of bread in the toaster, replace the ear butt, and turn my music up louder. Dad shakes his head, giving me a disapproving look. I get a lot of those nowadays. I stare at the toaster, drumming my fingers on the countertop impatiently. When I glance back, Dad isn't there anymore. He's gone upstairs. Like every morning. This is how it is. He tries to talk to me. I blow him off. He goes upstairs. I'm left alone in the kitchen. I don't mind. I like being alone. Since Jackson went to college, it's been peaceful.

My toast pops up and I grab it, not really caring that it burns my hand. I drop it on a paper plate. I always eat on paper plates. I'm not very "green". So sue me.

I don't put jelly or butter on my toast. I eat it dry. I grab my bacon that I've forgotten about out the microwave. There's a knock at the door. I look up. It's Oliver and Lilly. I wave for them to come in. They do, looking bright and cheerful as always. I have to look away. 'Cause them walking in brings another memory to me.

_The night after I told Jake was the night of the school dance. I'd told Daddy what happened and even though he knew how miserable I was, he was making me go. Oliver was my date-as a friend, of course. Lilly was going with Matt. Lilly and Oliver were picking me up. _

_I stood in the living room in my dress, all nice and pretty. Except for the bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. Oliver and Lilly entered, looking great. And happy. The exact opposite of what I was feeling. I put on a smile, though. I can be a fantastic actress when I need to be. They'd never know. At least not until I told them._

"_Miley!" Oliver said, smiling that big, donut smile. "You look wonderful!"_

"_Thanks," I said, hugging him. "And Lilly, you look gorgeous." I gave her a smile and a hug._

"_Thank you, Miley." She looked at me. And I mean, really looked at me. _

_One look like that, and my cover was blown. She knew. Something was up with me and she would make sure she found out what._

"_So, we going?" I asked with fake cheer, hoping I could somehow throw Lilly off._

_They both nodded, Lilly still giving me that look._

"_Well let's get a moving," I said, starting to make my way to the door. "We still have to pick up Matt, don't we?"_

"_Yeah, he's waiting," Lilly said softly._

_We went out to the car. Oliver turned up the music and drummed his hands on the wheel. I smiled a little at how oblivious he was. Once Matt was picked up, we headed to the restaurant where we were meeting a group of friends for dinner. Everyone smiled and hugged me, telling me how pretty I looked. I smiled and laughed when necessary and only spoke when spoken to. _

_At some point, Lilly pulled me aside._

"_What's up with you?" She wanted to know._

"_You can tell I'm depressed?" I asked._

_She nodded. "Yeah, and I'm worried."_

"_You're the only one who seems to have noticed," I said with a shrug and walked away. I knew I hadn't answered her question and I knew that it hurt her, but it wasn't the time or place. I knew if I told her I would break down. And I couldn't do it there._

"Ooh bacon!" Lilly smiles, licking her lips, back in the present.

I pull my headphones out my ear, smile, and say, "You want it?"

"You sure?" She asks, eyeing the plate in my hand hungrily.

I nod. "Yeah. I'm full."

Honestly, you'd think by now I'd know better than to lie.

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**Alright, tell me what you think. Your critiques are much appreciated ;)**

**-Fudge7eleven**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Refer to the first chapter.**

**In case you haven't figured it out, regular typing is present tense. Italics is flashbacks. It can be kind of confusing, so I just wanted to clear that up. **

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Lilly finishes her-I mean, my-bacon in record time. She licks her fingers off, getting every last bit of grease. I have to smile at this, even though I find it totally gross. When she is finished, she washes her hands off in the sink then dries her hands off on the dish towel.

"That was good," She says with a smile, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Glad you liked it." I smirk.

"Oh, I did." Lilly nods. "You're a good cook."

"It was microwave bacon, Lils!" Oliver cuts in. "Anyone can make it."

"Well I didn't see you making it." She puts her hands on her hips and looks at him, glaring with her blue eyes.

Oliver sighs and flips his shaggy brown hair out of his matching brown eyes. Oliver and Lilly are so perfect

for each other when they aren't fighting. That's why they are the school's cutest couple. _Gag._ But seriously,

I am happy for them.

"Okay, lovebirds, enough." I pick up my back pack. "School time."

The pair groan but start making their way to the door. Oliver reaches out for Lilly's hand. A huge grin breaks out across her face as she laces their fingers together. Anyone watching would think they are just the cutest thing ever. But me, they make me want to burst into tears. Watching them walk off my porch like that, it's almost too much. My head starts to get fuzzy. I'm so dizzy I have to sit down in the chair near our front door.

I take a few deep breaths. Just when I think I am ready to stand again, I remember exactly which chair I've placed my butt in. Damn me.

_Oliver brought me home early from the dance. I had been the worst date ever. I didn't dance with him at all. I just stood in the corner, trying not to fall asleep or cry or hyperventilate or any combination of those three. I made him bring me home only about an hour after being at the dance._

_I went up the front walk, digging for my keys in my purse. My head was down, so I didn't see who was sitting in the chair by my door._

"_Hey," a familiar voice said softly._

_My head snapped up and I dropped my purse in shock. _Jake Ryan_ was at my house._

"_Hi," I said, my voice barely audible._

"_Can we talk?" He asked, standing, then taking a small step towards me._

_All I could do was stare. I was at a loss for words. So I did the only thing my body allowed me to do. I nodded._

"_Thanks." Jake gave me a small smile and sat on my step, gesturing for me to follow._

_I sat not too close but not too far from him. I was afraid that at any moment he would bolt. Or worse, he'd come to finish telling me off and then he would once again walk out of my life._

"_How was the dance?" He asked, looking at my outfit._

"_It was fine." I continued to stare at him._

"_Did you shake your thang?" Jake smirked._

_I sat there, dumbfounded. Was he really trying to make me laugh?_

"_No," I said stiffly. "I did not."_

"_Why not?" He tilted his head to the side, looking confused, as if the answer was not obvious._

"_What are you doing here, Jake?" I asked, not answering his question but asking one of my own._

"_I came to say I am sorry." He looked at me, his beautiful green eyes staring into my light blue, sleep-deprived ones._

"_For what?" I wanted to know._

"_For cutting you out of my life." He looked down. "I shouldn't have done that. I overreacted."_

"_At least you didn't faint." I looked at him. "Oliver fainted when I told him."_

"_Yeah, but he didn't cut you off." Jake reached down and started pulling at the grass._

"_So is that why you're here?" I took in a shaky breath. "To tell me you're sorry that you broke my heart into a thousand pieces, but you still want nothing to do with me?!"_

_He shook his head quickly. "Miley, if I didn't want to talk to you anymore, I wouldn't be here right now."_

_I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth down, trying to keep myself under control. "Then why _are _you here?"_

_He reached over and took my shaky hand in his own. "To tell you that I need you in my life."_

_I did a double take, not sure I'd heard him right. "What?"_

"_Miley, I need you. I was up all night crying my eyes out. My dad wanted to take me to the hospital." He looked down a little and the street light caught his golden hair, making it shine. "You have to be in my life, even if it's just as a friend."_

_Ouch. Friend. Even though the first part made my heart beat inhumanly fast and the last part broke me a little more, I had to smile. He needed me just as much as I needed him. And that made all the difference. At that moment, it was like the world had started spinning again. I knew I could make it through to another day. It would kill me to just be his friend, but it was better than not having him at all._

"_I need you too, Jake." I said softly. "More than anything else in this world."_

I rub my eyes gently, trying to clear my head of the memory. I don't know how long I've been sitting there or how long I've spaced out, but when I remove my fingers from my eyes, Lilly and Oliver are standing in front of me. Their faces show the love and concern they have for me, their best friend. They know how much I've been hurting. But they think I'm getting better. Too bad that is very far from the truth.

"Are you okay?" Lilly asks, kneeling in front of me.

I nod. "Yeah. I'm just tired. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Are you still not sleeping?" Oliver asks, crouching next to his girlfriend. They really are cute. Both of them. Looking after me like that. Butting in. It's what they're good at. Getting involved when you don't want them to. That used to be my specialty. When I actually cared about stuff, that is.

"I'm fine. I was just up all night writing a song," I lie, shaking my head. "You know how I get when I'm inspired. I can't stop writing until I'm done."

The couple nods and share a glance. They don't buy the lie I've just fed them. But they know better than to push me. Because then I will push them. Push them away.

Lilly and Oliver know about everything with Jake. I've told them. I've let them in. And I don't do that very often. And they know I could freeze them out when I felt they were getting too close.

"Miley!" Lilly snaps her fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I grab her hand and glare at her.

"_What_?" I hiss at her.

She gives me an annoyed look. "You spaced out. Come on, we have to go to school." Lilly never did have patience for my mood swings. And since they have been more frequent recently, things have been sort of stressed with us.

"Fine," I say, standing up.

"Frontsies!" Oliver calls as we walk to my car.

"No fair!" Lilly pouts. "You sat in front yesterday."

"Well I called them, so I get them." He smirks at her.

"Okay, then I call front for the ride home and for the ride to school tomorrow," she says, smiling triumphantly.

"You can't do that!" Oliver protests.

"I already did."

I simply roll my eyes at their immaturity, but in an amused way, and give a slight chuckle. They do this _every_ day. Sometimes I enjoy it. Others, I wish Oliver had never hit that illegal immigrant in the back, therefore totaling his car and causing me to have to drive him and Lilly everywhere. In case you hate illegal immigrants and live in the U.S., you can thank Oliver for there being one less in the country. Poor guy got deported.

I unlock the door and we climb into my silver Nissan Versa. I place my iPod into Oliver's waiting hand. He connects it to the iPod jack and starts to scroll through my songs. This is how it is in my car. Whoever sits in the passenger's seat gets to pick the music. But sometimes it depends on the person.

After Oliver selecting six songs and Lilly telling him to change three of them, we arrive at school. The parking lot isn't that full. We usually get there pretty early.

Walking across the street from the parking lot, we have to dodge cars. Some stop for you, some don't. Oh, God forbid one of them hit me and take me out of my misery. Sometimes, I want to jump in front of one. Just to see what would happen. Would they stop? Or would they hit me? Would I live? Or would I die?

Inside, we sit at our usual table. Every morning we sit her. _Every_ morning. I smile and talk to friends until the bell rings, allowing us to go to lockers. Lilly, Oliver, and I make our way to the hall with the lockers. We each go to ours. Oliver's and Lilly's are on the other side of the hall. I walk the rest of the way by myself. My locker is a bottom one. When I get there, the guy whose locker is on top of mine is making out with his girlfriend in front of my locker. I (im)patiently wait for them to finish practically having sex in the middle of the hall and then get my books. While I am getting them, Lilly and Oliver walk up, books in their hands. I stand up as the bell rings to go to class.

We do just that. Drama. First period. My home. I sit in my seat as a good feeling settles over my entire body. Drama is one of the only things that makes me happy. I love it. It's my life.

Class goes by. I participate like a normal student. The whole time I'm in there, my mind is blank. I am Miley again. I can let go. Those guys keep me too busy to think about anything else. We are all like one big happy family. Dorky, I know. But it's the one class that I am friends with most, if not the whole class. Well, at least I think I am. You can never tell with Drama kids. We cause a lot of…Drama. For all I know, they could all hate me. But, I have a good feeling I am pretty well-liked.

The bell rings, releasing us to second period. Oliver, Lilly, and I walk down the hall. When we get to the end, it is time for Oliver and I to part with Lilly. She has French in the back of school and we have math upstairs.

Lilly and Oliver hug, both pulling away with smiles.

"I love you," Oliver says softly.

Lilly's eyes sparkle and anyone watching could tell she just got butterflies in her stomach. "I love you, too."

As I watch my oldest friend walk away, my eyes start to glass over with another memory.

_Jake and I were hanging out. It was two days after he'd shown up on my porch that night after the dance. We were in my room. I snuck him in. My dad didn't want me to have anything to do with Jake. But I needed him. I was going to tell my dad when I needed to._

_Jake and I were just talking. Like nothing had changed. But we were just _friends_. Then, the conversation took an unexpected turn._

"_Miley, can I ask you something?" He looked down at his hands._

_I nodded slowly. "Go ahead."_

"_What do you want from this?" He asked, looking up at me, wearing a serious expression._

"_I want to be with you_," _I said, not even pausing to think about my answer. Because I knew what I wanted. I wanted him. _

"_Oh," he said quietly. "Well maybe you can have that someday."_

"_When?" I was growing anxious. I knew I'd screwed up, but if Jake needed me as much as he said he did, why weren't we a couple?_

"_I don't know." He stared at the floor intently. "You might get more. I just need to know that I can trust you."_

"_You can!" I said loudly, a hint of desperation in my voice._

_Jake stood. "I should get going."_

_I sighed softly, but nodded anyway. Jake went over to my balcony, where I'd set up my rope ladder for him. Once again, I watched him walk away. He swung his leg over, but stopped and looked at me._

"_Miley?" _

"_Yeah?" I took a small step towards him._

"_Thanks." There was a soft smile on his lips._

"_For what?" I tilted my head to the side in confusion._

"_For not giving up for me." He shrugged. "For fighting for me."_

_Tears prickled my eyes and a lump rose in my throat, but I swallowed it. "I don't give up on love."_

_Jake nodded gave me another smile as he started to climb down the rope ladder. He stopped just before his head disappeared over the side._

"_And Miley?"_

"_Hmm?" I went over to the ledge and looked down at him._

"_I love you," he whispered._

_Millions of butterflies fluttered through my stomach and my heart started beating faster than it has ever beaten before. "I love you, too."_

_Jake climbed back up a little bit so that his face was close to mine. "I really, really do, baby."_

Baby_. He'd always called me that before I told him I'm Hannah. And I hadn't heard it in over two nights. It made me want to melt. "I think I'm going to cry."_

_Jake sat on the edge of my balcony right beside me and placed his hand on my cheek softly. "Don't cry, beautiful."_

"_I'm just so happy," I said, leaning into his touch. It felt so good. Just like I'd remembered it._

"_Goodnight, Miley." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I love you, baby." At that, he started descending the rope ladder again._

"_I love you too, Jake." I waved down to him. "With all of my heart."_

"Miley? Are you okay?" Oliver asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah," I say, gently pushing his hand off. "Why?"

"Well, you look like you're about to cry."

I take a deep breath. "I'm fine, Oliver. Just fine."

But I'm not. I'm _not_ fine.

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**K, that's chapter two. Review, s'il vous plaît?**


	3. Chapter 3

Many apologies for not updating in a while. I had writer's block. And I've just been a total mess lately.

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

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I take my seat behind Oliver in math. I turn around and smile at Sarah, who's right behind me. She waves and pushes her glasses farther up on her nose. Her sand-colored hair is down today, hanging in her eyes. She sighs and tucks a strand behind her ear.

"How's it going, Sarah?" I ask, smiling a little at her annoyed state.

"I'm fine." She smiles. "Can you believe we're being confirmed in only a month?"

Confirmed-Confirmation. Into the Catholic religion. Sarah's really religious. That is something she and I don't have in common.

"Oh yeah!" I tap my pencil on her desktop. "I can't wait to be done with those crazy people who teach the religion classes!"

She frowns. I know I've offended her. She's involved in the church group and loves each and every one of those psychos.

"I mean, the priest creeps me out," I say, knowing she can't stand the priest. Hopefully she will forget my comment about the people who run religion classes.

Sarah laughs a little. "Me too."

Our teacher walks in and writes our journal on the board. I turn around and start jotting down the problem. I stare at it blankly, not knowing how to solve it.

"So how are you, Miley?" Sarah asks quietly.

I shrug and turn so I'm facing her. "I'm fine, I guess." Then I give her a smile. That carefree smile that I give everyone. It's amazing no one's figured out it's fake yet.

When you look at Miley Stewart, you see a happy, go-lucky girl. She doesn't have a care in the world. You would assume every thing in her life is perfect. That she's just enjoying life and living it up.

But the truth is, Miley Stewart is far from happy. She's been completely crushed. She lost the reason she got up every morning and feels as if her life is just empty and meaningless. She feels unloved almost every waking moment and occasionally cries herself to sleep. Misery might as well be her middle name.

Poor Miley Stewart. I feel sorry for her.

Oh wait…I'm Miley Stewart.

…Fuck.

I turn back the right way in my desk and fixate on the back of Oliver's head. He needs a haircut. I want to reach into my bag, pull out my scissors, and start chopping it all off. He would be so pissed. Now I'm _really_ tempted to do it!

A paper drops on my desk. I look up to see that the teacher has started handing out tests. I flip mine over. A big, fat _C_ is at the top. And to think I used to get _A_'s in this class. I blow my bangs out of my face and slump down in my desk. Oliver turns around and steals my test. I fix him with a frown, but make no effort to steal it back.

"Wow," he says, flipping a page to my test and surveying all the red marks. "What happened, Miley?"

I lean my elbows on my desk and rest my cheeks in my hands. I shrug my shoulders and say, "I don't know."

"You're dad's gonna be pissed." He drops my _C_ paper back on my desk.

I close my eyes and hold my breath, wishing he hadn't said that.

_It was the night after Jake told me he loved me. We were officially together. I was sitting at my desk, spinning in my chair slowly. Jake and I were talking on the phone and I felt on top of the world. I had to hide it from my dad, though, because he had forbidden me to talk to Jake when I'd told him what happened after I spilled my Hannah secret. I hated keeping things from him, but he would find out in time. _

"_I missed you today," Jake said softly and sweetly._

_I smiled from ear to ear, butterflies awakening in my stomach. "It's only been twenty-four hours since you've seen me."_

"_I know, but that's too long."_

_I giggled a bit at how cute he was. Then I heard footsteps. They could only belong to my dad._

"_Hold on, Jake," I said quickly and quietly. Then I put my phone down on my desk._

"_What?" He asked._

_But I couldn't answer him because right at that moment, my dad opened my door._

"_Hey, Miles," he said, holding out a plastic card. "Your debit card came in."_

"_Cool," I said, nodding quickly and hoping he was going to leave._

"_When you need to use it, just swipe it like a credit card and…" Oh God, he was going to explain it!_

"_Miley?" Jake's voice cut my father off. "Are you there?"_

_Dad and I both froze, looking at my phone._

"_Hello?" Jake said loudly._

_I hit the _end_ button and turned back to my dad. "Okay, Dad, I think I understand how to use it." I smiled. "Thanks."_

_He rested his arm on my dresser and looked at me sternly. "What was that?"_

_I waved my hand in the air, as if swatting the question away like it were a fly. "Nothing."_

"_Miley Ray, tell me the truth." He glared at me angrily._

_I hung my head in defeat. "It was Jake."_

"_I thought you told me you weren't going to talk to that boy any more."_

_I looked up shyly. "That was when I thought he was never going to speak to me ever again."_

_He pointed his finger in my direction. "I want this to stop," he said, his voice shaking with anger._

"_What?" I asked weakly._

"_I do not want you talking to him."_

"_No," I said in disbelief. "You can't do that."_

"_You better believe I can," he said quietly but forcefully._

_I felt myself beginning to panic. I had just gotten Jake back and I was already in danger of losing him again. It felt like the world was being pulled out from under my feet. Like in those cartoons when one character keeps pulling that rug and the other one keeps running, eventually falling flat on their face when the rug runs out. Well my dad was pulling and I was running. And I could see the end of the rug coming up quickly. And so I went into my second panic attack in one week._

_I jumped to my feet and screamed. "No, Dad, you can't do this! I need him! Don't you dare take him away from me!" Tears began to spill from my eyes, flowing down my cheeks. Soon I was hysterical. I never felt more desperate for anything in my life. I was reaching, grasping to hold onto Jake, but my dad was pulling him away._

"_Miley, this isn't healthy!" He gestured towards me. I was in full break down mode._

"_You see what you're doing?!" I screamed at him, trying to wipe the tears and snot from my face. "You're doing this to me. Do you remember how messed up I was the night after I told him my secret? How depressed I was? You would be _causing_ it this time. Do you want that to happen?" I stopped and started coughing. Once I finished, I caught my breath and softly said, "Please, Daddy, don't take him from me."_

_My dad didn't say anything. He just stared at me. His eyes showed his pain. He hated to see me hurt. And he didn't know what to do. He wanted to protect me. But he knew he couldn't win this one. So he just shook his head, holding back his tears, and walked out the room, slamming the door behind him._

I open my eyes and let out a sigh.

"I don't really care about what my dad thinks right now," I tell Oliver.

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No worse than usual."

The rest of math is the same as always. I pay attention when I need to and go off into my own little world when I don't need to. Finally, the bell rings and I am off to another class. All classes are the same for me. Paying attention is extremely hard and not paying attention makes me think of Jake. So, I'm pretty screwed.

By some miracle, I make it through the day. I get in my car and drive straight to counseling. I've been in counseling for a while. I needed someone to talk to about my Hannah secret and how stressful it is. But recently, we've only been talking about Jake.

I park my car and hurry into the building, hoping no one sees me. It's not that being in counseling bothers me. I actually love it. I just don't want people to think I'm crazy. It would just give everybody at school another reason to pick on me, which I don't need.

Sitting in the waiting room, I listen to my iPod. When it's on shuffle, anything can happen. I have the oddest combination of songs on my trusty little music player. It's funny. Sometimes I can be listening to a metal song and then right after that, a song from a musical will play.

"Miley?" Rachel, my counselor, says softly. "Are you ready?"

I nod, turn off my iPod, pull my headphones out my ears, stand up, and follow her into the room.

I sit on the couch across from Rachel's chair. It's uncomfortably hot, as always, so I slip my jacket off. Rachel sits across from me, placing her clip board on her lap.

"So, Miley, how was your week?" She asks.

I avert my eyes from hers and look around the room. I shift my gaze down and focus on my shoes, thinking.

_I stared at my shoes. I'd just finished telling Rachel everything that had happened with Jake. I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell her about what was going on with my dad without crying._

"_So if things are good, then why did you bring your dad today?" Rachel asked._

"_Because he's trying to take Jake from me," I said, looking up._

"_Why?" She took a sip of her water._

"_He thinks it's better if I don't talk to him." I shook my head, feeling tears prickling my eyes. "He caught me talking to him and flipped out."_

_Rachel nodded, putting her cap on her water. "So you brought him to here to talk it out with a mediator?"_

_I shrugged. "I guess."_

"_Well let's bring him in." She got up and crossed the room and opened the door, walking out. _

_I heard a short muffled conversation between Rachel and my father before they both entered the room. I made a point not to look at Dad. I was still furious with him. It made me want to cry just to have him in the room. _

"_So, Mr. Stewart, what do you feel about all of this?" Rachel asked him._

_Oh, had they started talking again? Whoops._

_My dad took in a breath. "I'm hurt. I feel like no matter what I tell her, she is just going to do what she wants anyway." _

_I bit down on my lip hard, thinking, _You better believe I will, bub.

_My dad continued, "I told her not to talk to Jake but she did, so I feel betrayed."_

_I rolled my eyes, which Rachel caught and gave me a look that meant to chill out. I did not betray him. I told him I wouldn't be in contact with Jake because Jake would never talk to me again. The guy contacted me. So it's not like I meant to go back on my word. It just happened._

"_Miley, is there anything you want to say?" Rachel asked._

_Well yeah, since it's my session and not my father's. "I didn't mean to go back on my word. But I love Jake. And I need him. Dad, you think I am just some stupid little teenager that doesn't know what I am feeling. If you would just take me seriously for once in my life you would realize that what I am feeling is real. And yeah, I will do whatever I want. Because Jake makes me happy. And Dad, as my parent, you are supposed to want me to be happy. And right now you want to take away the only thing that makes me want to get up every day. And I will never understand that."_

"_I just don't want you to get hurt, Miley!" He tried to put his hand on mine, but I pulled mine away. "I am trying to protect you."_

"_I am a big girl, Dad!" I glared at him. "I can take care of myself just fine."_

"_I just think you and Jake should take it slow. Be friends."_

"_I don't want to be his friend!" I found myself screaming at him. "I want to be with him!"_

_After Rachel trying to get us to come to an agreement and failing, we went home. The ride was silent. I was driving, even though I was crying way too hard for that to be safe. We went inside without a word. In the kitchen, Dad finally broke the silence._

"_What would your mother think, Miley?" He looked at me._

"_Mom's not here, Dad!" I spat at him before running to my room._

_I felt abandoned. I knew it wasn't my mother's fault she wasn't there. But I wished she was. I just wanted someone to hold on to me and to tell me everything was okay. Just for someone to be on my side for once. Hell, Rachel wasn't even on my side and she was being paid to listen to my problems. And I couldn't call Jake. Dad had taken my phone. Plus, he was in an entirely different state. Some movie premiere or whatever._

_I was alone. And it fucking hurt._

I continue to stare at my shoes. "It sucks as always, Rachel. I am still miserable. It hasn't gotten any better."

After my session, I go home. I feel a little better after getting everything off my chest. But I don't want to go home. I want to stay at Rachel's office and talk for another hour. Because at home, I have to keep my secrets to myself again. I can't tell my dad what I'm going through. He would not understand. He really is blind to how much I hurt every day. My home doesn't feel like home anymore. I remember when I started fighting with my dad about the Jake thing. I didn't want to leave school. I didn't feel welcome in my own home. And let me tell you, when I don't want to leave school, there is a real problem. I hate school! And I have always been a homebody. So for me to not want to go home is bad.

But where else do I have to go? Nowhere. Nowhere to go and no one to see.

This is my life. And it sucks.

* * * * * *

**Eh, not my best chapter. But that's the best way I could write that one. And it's a really important part of the story. So review, loves. Reviews are always much appreciated. **

**-Fudge7eleven**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am going through a lot right now. I have been screwed over horribly for the fourth time this year. There are so many things going through my mind right now. I am probably going to write a story about it once I finish this one. And I started working. But I love my job, it really is great : )**

**Disclaimer: See chapter one. Also, I do not own, MySpace, **_**Stargirl**_**, Jerry Spinelli, Harry Potter, "It's Not Over," Secondhand Serenade, or the Twilight series.**

**I do, however, own the song "Bleeding." Therefore, steal it and get sued!**

* * * * * *

When I get home, the first thing I do is check my e-mail. I have nothing, as usual. Next is my MySpace. Nothing, yet again. I slide my phone out my pocket, hoping to find at least one text. Once again, I am disappointed.

It's a horrible feeling to know your friends don't even care enough to talk to you outside of school. I mean, seriously, they couldn't just message me to say hi?

Gee thanks, guys. Love you too.

I figure being on the computer will only cause more depression, so with a sigh, I log off. I glance around my room, looking for something to do.

I wander around a bit, looking at things. My eyes settle on my bulletin board. I've stuck pictures up of all my friends and other random things, like concert tickets. I smile at some of the funnier pictures, like the ones Lilly, Oliver, and I took in the photo booth when we went to the mall for Lilly's birthday. Then there are the sweeter ones, like the one I snapped of Lilly kissing Oliver on the cheek without either of them knowing. His soft brown eyes are twinkling and there's a smile on his face. Lilly's blue eyes are closed. They're so freaking adorable. It makes my chest ache and a feeling of emptiness settles over me.

They're so happy. Why can't I have that?

I shake my head, blinking back a few tears. I move to my bookcase, hoping I can find a good book to read. I love to read. I can sit around all day reading a good book. And as my mind focuses on a story, I get lost. Reality no longer exists for me when I'm reading. No thinking required. I desperately want that right now. But as I scan over the books on my shelves, I realize with dismay that I have read almost all of them. I don't really care to reread stories because frankly, it bores me. I already know how it ends. No point. And all the rest I'm just not interested in reading.

I run my fingers along the spines of some of my favorites lovingly. I know it's nerdy, but I don't care. My fingers trail over _Stargirl_ by Jerry Spinelli and I smile, remembering how much I love that book. _That_ book I _did_ reread, just because it's so good. I was overjoyed when I found out there was a sequel. I paid almost twenty dollars for a hardcover copy of it because I was too impatient to wait for the paperback to come out. But hey, it was worth it. Awesome book, trust me.

I bend down to check out my bottom shelf, where I keep my series. I swipe my hand over the Harry Potter's with a smile. I will forever be a Harry Potter nerd. I stop when I reach a set of four black books. I pluck out the one that goes first chronologically in the series. On the cover is a pair of hands holding an apple. Above the hands reads _Twilight_. My copy is a bit tattered considering it's been passed among a few of my friends. I got the books a while back and when everyone heard there was a movie coming out, they just _had _to read the books. So of course, they borrowed mine.

I went to the premiere of the movie. As Hannah Montana, I snagged three tickets for me, Oliver, and Lilly.

As I flip through the worn pages of my book, I remember that night.

_Oliver, Lilly, and I were seated in the theater, waiting for the movie to start. We were all dressed up as our alter egos. I, as Hannah Montana, had my straight blonde wig on over my dark brown curls. My outfit was very flashy and girly, but with a rocker edge to it, as usual. Lilly was sitting to my left, dressed as Lola Luftnagle. She had a short, hot pink wig on to cover her long blonde hair. She wore a black shirt that had a design in silver on it. Her skirt was black and pink plaid, pink to match her hair. Her shoes were simple black Converses and inside her shoes were black and pink striped socks. Oliver was to Lilly's left, in Mike Stanley III attire. His fake goatee(made out of armpit hair-EW!) was in place on his face. The only way to describe his outfit is to say he was dressed like a wanna be gangster. 'Nuff said. _

"_Isn't this awesome?!" Lilly squealed, giving my knee a squeeze._

_Oliver rolled his eyes and sighed. "Chicks."_

"_Mhm," I mumbled, in my own little world._

_That night was my and Jake's one month anniversary. By some miracle, we made it a whole month. And that night just _had_ to be on the same night as the _Twilight_ premiere. Jake was filming a movie in New York, so there was no way we could spend the night together because the studio wouldn't give him time off. But he'd wanted to spend the whole night talking._

_I had told him a week before that I was going to the premiere that night, but he must have not remembered because he got really upset with me for going. He'd said he cleared his schedule that night so he could talk to me all night long. _

_We'd gotten in a fight before I left to get Lilly and Oliver. He'd told me that he set aside time tonight and he couldn't believe I wouldn't do the same for him. He really made me feel like crap. I fucking cried. And it was the ninth time he'd made me cry that month. He'd even gotten close to breaking up with me a few times. Once in the first week we were dating._

_So I'd pulled myself together enough to go get Lilly and Oliver, but my fight with Jake continued via text message._

_That's what I was doing when Lilly squeezed my knee. I was too upset to enjoy being at the premiere. All I could think about was Jake._

_I sighed after sending another text to him. He was starting to be reasonable finally. I glanced over my shoulder, only to find some girl staring at me. She was younger than me and she wasn't famous. Apparently she was a fan, because she kept right on staring. It made me uncomfortable._

_I turned back around, my cheeks burning red. I could still feel her gaze on the back of my neck._

_There was a loud beep and I looked down at my phone. What I saw horrified me. My phone battery was _dieing! _Jake would be pissed. I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. Not here, not now. _

_But it was. My phone beeped again and my heart started hammering against my chest. What was I going to do? Jake was just starting to be pleasant, but if I had to stop talking to him, he would be pissed at me for days._

_It broke my heart to upset him, so I started thinking of things I could do. My eyes scanned the room while the wheels in my head started turning, thinking up a plan._

"_Two minutes," Lilly said, checking her watch with a huge smile on her face._

_Two minutes. Just enough time to make a phone call._

"_I'll be right back," I said, standing and making my way down the aisle._

"_Hannah, you're going to miss the beginning!" Lilly called after me, making sure to call me Hannah instead of Miley._

"_No I won't," I called over my shoulder. Then I sprinted towards the exit, my phone in hand, already dialing Jake's number._

_I ran around, looking like a total idiot until finally I found an empty corner of the theater. I begged my phone to have service, and by some miracle, it did._

_I hit the _send_ button and pressed my phone to my ear, my heart beating loud enough for me to hear._

"_Hello?" Jake answered. I could tell he was surprised I called._

"_Happy anniversary, baby," I cooed into the phone._

"_Happy anniversary," he said. Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was smiling._

"_I'm so sorry, Jake." I scuffed my shoe on the floor._

"_No, I'm sorry," he said. "I was a jerk. You had every right to go out tonight. I just took out my anger about not being able to be with you on you."_

"_Baby, my phone's about to die and the movie's about to start," I said. "That's why I called. I wanted to tell you that I love you and I will make it up to you about missing tonight."_

"_Okay," he said. I could tell he was sad I had to go so soon. "I love you, too."_

"_And I also wanted to tell you happy anniversary." I smiled._

"_Well happy anniversary, beautiful. I love you."_

"_I love you, too." And with that, I hung up my phone and ran back into the theater just as the previews were starting._

I close _Twilight_ quickly and put it back in its place on the shelf. I stand up and cross my arms over my chest, still fuming over the memory of that night. I can't believe how stupid I was. He treated me like crap, and I sat there blaming myself the whole time.

I'd told him about the premiere. But he got pissed at me because _he _forgot. I felt like I upset him. And I hated myself for it because all I wanted to do was make him happy. He took advantage of my selflessness. _He_ ruined _my _night. But I'd let him. I let him affect me.

And then the bastard broke up with me a week later. I can't even replay that conversation for you because it would be way too confusing to understand. Wanna know why?

Because the asshole broke up with me over fucking _instant message_!

How pathetic, huh? It's so cowardly to break up with someone over instant message. If you aren't gonna do it face-to-face, at least call! But nooo. Jake's too much of a little bitch to do that. And he was back in town, so he could have done it face-to-face!

Do you want to know his reason? His grades were slipping. He wasn't learning his lines. He couldn't focus. All he thought about was me.

I thought he was cutting me out of his life, but he said he just wanted to break up. He still _needed_ me in his life. He even asked me to be _friends with benefits_. We didn't have sex or anything, so that just meant acting like we were still dating but not really being together.

Wanna know the worst part? I agreed.

I sigh and throw myself on my bed angrily, just thinking about it.

That "friends with benefits" thing basically tore me apart. He would come over and kiss and cuddle me and make me think we were going to get back together. And then he would leave, and we would still be broken up.

I stand up, suddenly feeling restless. I walk over to my guitar. It's resting in its stand near my window. I pick it up carefully. My eyes rest on a notebook on the stand near the chair I sit in when I play guitar. I sit down and set my guitar on my lap, then take the notebook in my hands. I flip through the pages, looking at all the songs I'd written. I stop on one I know by heart. It's called "Bleeding."

I bite my lip as my eyes scan the page and I start to remember the reason I wrote this song in the first place.

_Jake and I had been broken up for two days. He came over those two nights to kiss and cuddle me and everything. _

_That night, I was at whit's end. I'd started crying in English class. I don't cry in front of people. I don't like people to think I'm weak. But I couldn't help it. I cried. And no one even noticed. No one._

_I was at home, crying again. I was listening to "It's Not Over" by Secondhand Serenade. I was missing Jake more than anything. Sure, we still acted like we were together, but it wasn't the same. I had a big, empty hole inside me. I missed belonging to him. I missed him belonging to me. And so, I cried. Because he broke my heart…Again._

_As the song got to about the middle, Jake came climbing through my window. I stood, rushed over, and hugged him. Then I started to sob into his chest. He stood there, stunned._

"_Jake, I love you!" I sobbed harder. "I miss you and I need you. I can't do this anymore. I need to be with you. Please, baby, just take me back!"_

"_Miley, stop," he said, pushing me away a little._

_I looked up at him with my tear-filled eyes. "Why?"_

"_Because," he said._

"_But why?" I whimpered._

"_Just because."_

"_Tell me why, Jake!" I said loudly, getting frustrated._

"_Because I'm dating someone!" He almost yelled._

_I stepped back from him as if he'd slapped me, which he might as well have. "What?" I hissed._

"_That's what I came to tell you." He sighed. "We can't be friends with benefits anymore because I have a girlfriend."_

"_Who?" I asked, my hands balling into fists._

"_It doesn't matter," he said, looking away._

"_What's her name, Jake?" I took a step towards him._

"_That's not important." He took a step back._

"_Who is she?!" I screamed. Good thing my dad was on a date or he would have heard me._

"_Mikayla, okay?!" He crossed his arms over his chest._

_My stomach did a horrible flip. Mikayla. He knew how much I hated her. She was a total bitch. And he just _had_ to date _her.

"_Do you love her?" I found myself asking._

_Jake was silent for a moment, then he said, "Yes."_

"_But you don't love me." I closed my eyes and swallowed, trying to control myself._

"_Excuse me?"_

_I opened my eyes. "You don't love me. You never loved me."_

"_Yes I did and I do." Jake frowned. "Don't tell me that I don't love you."_

"_But you don't." I said dryly. "What you've done to me, you don't do that to someone you love. It's been two fucking days, Jake. And you're already with someone else."_

"_I love both of you," he said with a sigh._

"_But you must love her more if you'd rather be with her."_

"_I told you I'm not with you because I can't stop thinking about you." Jake shook his head. "I don't want to fight about this, Miley. I just came to tell you I'm with someone. So bye."_

_And with that, he crawled out of my window and into the night. _

I chew on my lip, thinking. I will always regret not saying what I was thinking that night. I had so many things to say to him, but I kept them to myself because I didn't want to hurt him. The problem with me is I have a tender heart. I can't hurt people intentionally. But I can think bad things about them in my head.

Jake's excuse for breaking up didn't make sense. If he couldn't concentrate because of me, why keep talking to me? He broke up with me to be with Mikayla. I wasn't stupid. And then he knew how much I hated Mikayla. He was so low that he broke up with me to be with someone I hated. And then he thought I was stupid enough to believe his lame excuse. Plus, he didn't even care what he was doing to me. I mean, two days and he already had someone else? That showed he didn't even care at all.

He screwed me up and screwed me over. And I never told him how much he hurt me. Instead, I put my words and feelings into a song.

I glance down at the lyrics for the songs I wrote about what Jake did to me. So many emotions running through me, I plug my guitar into my amp and position my fingers on the fret board. I pick up a guitar pick and start strumming. It's not a soft strum, either. It's hard, fast, and angry. It's the sound of my broken heart.

My fingers glide over the strings, making the chords. I sing the words, putting everything I've got into it.

_I gave you everything I had_

'_Til I had nothing left to give_

_Held me when I was sad_

_You were my reason to live_

_Now things are different_

_Now everything has changed_

_I can hardly stand it_

_Can't deal with all this pain_

I close my eyes, as I melt into the song, going into the pre chorus.

_Leading me on_

_That's just not right_

_I want you gone_

_Get out of my life_

The corners of my mouth twitch as I begin the chorus.

_You played with my heart _

_And you ripped it apart_

_Even though I loved you_

_Right from the start_

_You left me bleeding, bleeding, bleeding_

_Yeah, you left me bleeding_

I curl my lips into a sad smile, feelings rushing through my body. Then the second verse begins.

_So sick of every love song_

_I'd relate them all to you_

_But now they all seem wrong_

_Cause in the end you were untrue_

_I just feel so fucking used_

_Left me for someone else_

_And gave me some lame excuse_

_Well you can go to hell_

My sad smile turns into a twisted grin. I am enjoying myself in my own little miserable way.

_Leading me on_

_That's just not right_

_I want you gone_

_Get out of my life_

_You played with my heart _

_And you ripped it apart_

_Even though I loved you_

_Right from the start_

_You left me bleeding, bleeding, bleeding_

_Yeah, you left me bleeding_

I soften my strumming and my singing as I get to the bridge.

_You deeply hurt me_

_That won't be forgotten_

_But this will soon be a memory_

I am positively beaming as I stop strumming belt out the last line of the bridge as loudly as I can.

_THIS HEARTACHE WILL BE STOPPING!_

Back I go into my hard, fast, angry strumming.

_Leading me on_

_That's just not right_

_I want you gone_

_Get out of my life_

_You played with my heart _

_And you ripped it apart_

_Even though I loved you_

_Right from the start_

_You left me bleeding, bleeding, bleeding_

_Yeah, you left me bleeding_

_You left me bleeding, bleeding, bleeding_

_Yeah, you left me bleeding!_

I strum the last chord and let it ring. I am out of breath and waves of energy are going through my body.

There's a crazy smile on my face and my hair is in my eyes. But damn, do I feel good.

Best I've felt in a long fucking time.

* * * * * *

**I freaking love that song and am so proud of myself for writing it. So now you know what Jake did to Miley. Think that's the end? Well think again. Miley still has a lot of lessons to learn about him. Review, please?**


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